...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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