Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
