You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Are we still banned from the library?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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