Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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