she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
