just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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