Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
