Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
