My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
