Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
