You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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