The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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