Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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