glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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