I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
