You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
