so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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