Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
