Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
