When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
