Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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