Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
