I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i have two assholes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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