Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
