He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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