why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
