whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I will pee on everything he values.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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