some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
