Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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