a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
