I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
