Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
