Are we in a gay sports bar?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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