I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
