Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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