I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
