im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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