There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
