I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
