I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
